Did you see that? My first blog from June something like 5. My commitment to write a thousand words a day. I've been fairly good at that, considering. But notice none of those words made it to the blog. I have a website, by the way: www.storykim.com. There was a blog associated with that but as my renewal is ready, I cancelled it. Save a little money.
Anyway, the post title says change...scary stuff. I want to be a faithful blogger. There is so much to do ... and so much to write about. I am reluctant. And I am rambling. So this may be nothing more than a place to work through ramblings. I might hone in on something specific one day---that would be great. On the old blog I wanted to have a section for lectio divina as well as haiku and other poetry, film and story reviews...and I barely did anything with it. Feels like I'm talking to myself and folks I don't know MIGHT be eavesdropping. So that prospect simply makes it difficult to write.
Dang can I not stay on topic at all? Change. School starts Wednesday---in terms of students returning. I never feel ready. Part of the reason is we're stuck in meetings days on end that could be shortened by at least 70%. So tomorrow will be really the first day to do any real actual planning. Change is going from summer freedom and organization left to self motivated projects to school regimen where there is always far more to do than is humanly possible to complete. This year we have 175 students each. This is horrific for actual learning because there is so little time for assessment and redirecting. So the state lowered our class size to 25 but then they cut the amount of time per class in a day so they could cram another two classes in, increasing the ultimate number of students we teach, decreasing our daily planning time. Eighty-five minutes per day is all we have and the district is allowed to take a chunk of that per week also if it feels like it. That's not enough time. Simply put--not for a humanities class where writing is an important part of the skill improvement.
So that was a change with last year.
This year I've been moved from my beloved portable with windows and immediate outdoor access, to being in the center of the main building which is little better than a huge hurricane shelter. The air works only about 80% of the time and there are no windows. And i have an aversion to chaos, but now I will be across the hall from guidance---second only to the dean's office for chaotic traffic. I despise being in the center of things and I have no idea how I will survive without natural light... What happened to all the studies that show children who are exposed to outside light achieve higher performance in education? This is the second year this building has been open.
My Aunt Betty Jo died July 13 this year. This is a change that is still not computing. I am having odd dreams that are no doubt a result of this reality, but I have very little actual connection to this emotionally. As if I do not accept it at all.
My computer crashed in a deadly heap on Friday and the friend who helps me from time to time was unable to recover the files. Fortunately I had backed up my writings on July 27. So only that which I have written between July 27 and August 10 was lost, but that was a lot. Still, I am proud of myself because i have RARELY backed up my things in the past. I think I am on a new path---that was too horrific and too close for comfort. So I thank God for whatever little voice I heard that suggested I back it all up. Some files are gone forever but I will learn to live with that, even though it smarts a bit.
So change is just change. There are those who say change is good. There are those of us who fear change. I fear change. But I at least have learned to use up a little less energy freaking out about it and more energy looking for ways to make the most of the change I cannot control, the change that seems to take more than it gives... But yeah, first I will freak out some. I consider it cardiovascular exercise.
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